In which I go on and on about the passage of time and my fear of the children's hospital

I know I have a tendency to get sentimental on here, particularly once birthday time rolls around, but I had one of those super obvious yet profound moments yesterday as I looked across the table at Liv, our five-year-old. This is it. The only time our baby will turn five. The only day we will wish her a happy fifth birthday, for all time and eternity. 

Now, I know this is not news, and, really, *every* day is the most important one that there is, because it's the only thing we have - this single moment. But there's something about birthdays, and particularly those of my children, and particularly those of my youngest child, that is like a loud gong rousing me from the daze of every day life - WAKE UP, TIME IS PASSING. QUICKLY. It is hard to articulate the immense anxiety these realizations cause me, while simultaneously feeling awed (is it *really* possible so much time has passed?) and lucky (I have two amazing, beautiful children!) and tender (oh, they were such cute little babies!). So many feelings, wrapped up together into a burrito of emotion. (I never said I was good with the analogies...)

Anyway...

Liv. Five. Her birthday brings about the usual reminiscing of her tumultuous birth and subsequent lengthy hospital stay. I feel a wave of anxiety wash over me whenever we have to visit the Children's Hospital. It is a great place, full of wonderful people who do incredible work. We are fortunate to have such a facility in our province. And yet, the smell of the soap alone triggers huge, mostly negative emotions for me. Strange, since in the big picture, our experience was largely positive, with amazing outcomes. Yet, I despise having to go there. I read an article about how some parents who have had preemies can experience a sort of post-traumatic stress disorder that exhibits during hospital visits and I think I know what they mean. It is a highly unusual experience, watching your child's life hanging in the balance, hoping against hope that everything is going to turn out okay. The hospital experience is a strange ride for parents of preemies - and, I'm sure, for parents of any sick child - and there's much of it I just want to leave on the table, because once you're on the other side of it, feeling so, so lucky, it almost seems impossible that it all could have turned out so well. It's like we dodged a huge bullet, like we better just be grateful and shut up because it all could have turned out so differently.

But it didn't. And we ended up with this amazing, fun person who is so tightly woven into our family's fabric I cannot remember what it was like before she arrived on the scene five years ago. Those years; they pass so, so quickly. I don't ever want to blink.

oxox

Kim

All the fingers of one hand

This one turns five today.

In honour of this momentous occasion, a blog posting in two parts.

Liv Loves:

• Her Woody doll
• Her sister
• Her BFF Brody
• All electronic entertainment devices, including televisions, iPods, iPhones, iPads and Vtech toys
• All the books ever written
• Baths
• Using her Fisher Price medical kit to check out every stuffed animal and person she comes across
• Doing anything on her own terms
• Hugless Douglas (her teddy bear) and her flannel Hello Kitty pillowcase, which must be taken on every overnight excursion
• Using her imagination, playing with toys, acting out scenes she’s dreamed up
• Ice skating
• Riding her bike solo
• Playing in our backyard sandbox
• Blowing out the candles on anyone’s birthday cake
• Candy and Nutella 
• Going to bed
• Waking up early (except for when it’s critical that we have to be somewhere, and then she loves sleeping in)
• Superheroes
• Rocky

Liv Hates:

• Eating, mealtimes, and most food, excepting the aforementioned Nutella and toast
• Leaving when she’s just begun having fun, after complaining about how much she hates doing whatever it is we’re doing for the first 30 minutes of the activity
• Being cold
• Doing crafts
• Saying “yes”, particularly if you really want her to
• Being asked to do anything she doesn’t feel like doing
• Listening to or complying with the demands or requests of any authority figure or anyone with any semblance of authority (her sister)
• Cuddling, except on her terms
• Anyone laying on her bed, even the cat
• Wearing dresses

Our beautiful, fun, frustrating, excruciatingly stubborn, smart, adorable, spirited Liv runs around like she owns the place. She is of small stature and big attitude. She will not be underestimated. I look into her navy-blue eyes and see this amazing life, this wild, exuberant child, this person who has turned our lives sideways and who challenges us each day and brings us such joy and who is going to do incredible things in the future. It makes me humble, to think we were given this gift, this awesome child to nurture into adulthood, to guide and help and love. We can't imagine our family without her in it.

Sweet Liv. Thank you for being exactly who you are. We would never want you any other way.

Wishing you a fantastic sixth year.

We love you!

oxox

May your days be merry and bright

Fa la la! Season's Greetings, loved ones! The tree is up, the gifts are bought, the cookies are made (and, unfortunately, already mostly eaten) and we're looking forward to a sweet, fun Christmas with our extended families. 

Since I did such a poor job of keeping up the blog this year, this update is very much overdue. Overall, 2012  was a pretty great year for us. We were all healthy this year, with no major upsets or upheaval, and we had the opportunity to spend lots of time with friends and family. 

Mia is six and a bona-fide grade-one student. It has been really cool to see her advance academically this year. She now reads whole books by herself and loves to practice her math skills. We hope she keeps that up! She is taking voice lessons for the second year and also began piano lessons this fall. Thank goodness for patient instructors because this mom is most definitely *not* a natural teacher. Mia enjoys performing, but not always practicing. We are working on this and while we do so, I'm trying hard not to become Mommy Dearest. This summer we got a new trampoline and Mia spent every moment she could bouncing on it or convincing anyone else to bounce with her.

Liv is four and is growing and changing like crazy. She's in her last year of playschool and is super excited to begin kindergarten next September. Liv is fun and energetic and can be quite a handful. She is extremely focused on the things she wants to see happen and is fairly determined to do things her way. This summer Liv gave up her tricycle and was finally able to reach the pedals on a two-wheeler. She loves going to the pool and doing anything with her older sibling. Since Liv loves sugar in all shapes and forms, her favourite holidays are Easter and Halloween and any other occasion involving copious amounts of icing or candy. Needless to say, the Christmas cookies don't last very long at our house.

Mitch is still working for Gibson Energy at a waste treatment facility east of Claresholm. He enjoys his role and his colleagues. During the past few years, Mitch has been completing some courses through SAIT and it turns out he's a pretty great student! He tries to wedge in his studies between working full time and doing much of our yardwork in the summer, in addition to all of his fatherly responsibilities. Mitch is looking forward to fitting in some scuba diving in 2013 since we didn't make it out this year. (*Cue sad trombone*)

I'm continuing to do some contract communications work from home, primarily writing for magazines, websites, brochures, annual reports, newsletters and so on. It is a really great way for me to keep up my skills while still being at home for and with the kids. I have several volunteer commitments as well that keep me running, including reading with the grade one students at Mia's school every week. I'm in a book club and have enjoyed becoming a regular reader again after so many years of only ever having time to read occasional pages of "how to ensure you keep your kids alive" books. I've resurrected my yoga practice after a few years away and look forward to becoming more fit in 2013.

This summer Frankie and Lisa and Aedyn visited us from Singapore. We had a lot of fun with them and enjoyed some good times and great weather when they were here. In August we took another camping trip to Wasa Lake in the East Kootenays for a relaxing holiday. Mitch and I flew to Kelowna at the beginning of December to surprise our friend Edan for his 40th birthday party. We packed a lot of fun into one weekend with the Fays, and are looking forward to some camping with them next summer.

We are looking forward to a happy 2013 and wish the best for you and yours. Merry Christmas, stay warm and toasty!

oxox
the Berreths
Kim, Mitch, Mia, Liv and Rockstar

Scales and Arpeggios

Mia performing at the Christmas recital, December 2012

First day

The pictures say it all, I think. Whoa!

Idle

Winter faded into a wet spring which begat a blistering summer and here we are, on the brink of fall, and I have not updated this blog in...forever. As a quick catch-up, here's the Cole's notes version of how we spent our time this summer:

In May, Liv finished up her first year of playschool and a month later Mia finished kindergarten. These milestones were welcome yet bittersweet, as endings often are. Earlier in the spring Mia placed second in her category in the Lethbridge Kiwanis music festival and after the end-of-year vocal recital (Lion King!) our little singer was ready for a rest. We spent hours on our new trampoline this summer, piling onto it every night after dinner to crack the egg. Mia loved going to drama camp (surprise!) in Fort Macleod and the hot July weather was made more tolerable with frequent trips to the outdoor pool along with backyard slipping n' sliding, sprinkler cavorting and mini-pool shenanigans. The girls went camping with Grandma BonBon to Willow Creek and the Lees came from Singapore for a few days' visit and then our family headed to the Kootenays for a relaxing and fun little holiday. We rode our bikes and picked raspberries and ate peas by the handful. We hung out at the pond with friends and hiked in Waterton and enjoyed many of the awesome wonders of our little corner of the world. We've been cruising along in a place where everything is cool and nothing is remarkable except for the miracle of life itself. 

Peace out,
Kim

Six

She's all elbows and knees these days, with long legs that surpass the hem of her jeans before her waist fills them out. Any evidence of babyhood roundness has vanished from Mia, who is now six. She often dresses up with cheetah ears and tail, and believes that eating chicken makes her "lean and fast", like a jungle cat. She loves to play pretend anything; her wild, vivid imagination leaves my head spinning as I try to keep up with the complex storylines she frequently invents. ("Let's pretend I am a girl cat and you are a boy cat and you fall in love with me and then I run away and now I'm a jaguar with a wounded leg. BE A CAT, MOM! Here are your ears.") 

In many ways, Mia is a typical first child: driven, determined, always striving for perfection. She becomes frustrated if she's not immediately proficient at something the first time she tries it. (First time skating: "I want to spin! I want to be a figure skater! I'm no good at this!") Her writing is getting more and more legible and she can read a bit and I am always surprised at how much she knows that I don't realize she knows. She listens to everything we say even when I don't think she is listening but she mostly doesn't listen when we want her to. She asks about a million questions every day. At school the teachers wrote little profiles for each kid and we were not surprised to see that Mia was famous for "being inquisitive". This curiosity is a wonderful, exhausting trait.

Mia is dramatic. Ask her to smile for the camera and she will make funny faces, big eyes and fake grins. She will appear to have a storm cloud on her brow one moment then sunshine on her face the next. Mia is an artist: drawing, coloring, singing, dancing, painting, creating. She makes up ridiculous songs and sings them at the top of her lungs. Her artwork litters surfaces across the house, fills "keep" boxes, covers the refrigerator, piles high on her craft table. She builds amazing towers from blocks and recently dug into the ancient second-hand Tinkertoy set I found for $3, building a spindly structure that resembled a windmill. 

Mia is loyal and affectionate. She loves her little friends and is getting pretty good at being more flexible in her interactions with them. She adores her grandparents. She likes to cuddle and hug and love on us at every chance. She usually still wants us to sit and hold her hand as she goes to sleep at night. When I have a pile of laundry or bills or work to deal with at the end of the day, this can sometimes seem like a frivolous use of precious time. But I look ahead down the road a year or two when I know she will no longer want me to do this and I sink into the chair and listen to her breathing become slow and regular with slumber. I sigh with gratitude.

Our six-year-old is fun and goofy and intense and sweet. Her smile can make the sun shine brighter and the skies clear on a winter's day. We wouldn't trade her for the world, this girl. We adore you, Mimi!

oxox

Love you always,

Mom and Dad

One, Two, Three, Four...

Oh, Liv. Another birthday, already? You insist on growing up, learning new things, moving forward. At four, you are already so complicated. You run here and there, except at bedtime, when you are the most willing-to-go-to-bed child who has ever lived (it is the one time of the day when you are actually compliant.) You are so strong-willed, so single-minded, so determined and resolute, I don't know how we are ever going to make it through your teenage-hood. Convincing you to do anything you remotely do not want to do is a struggle. But your will...well, it's intense. And admirable. You will go far in the world of business, my friend. Or, you will be the dictator of a small nation. Whichever it is, you will get your way. Every time. Of this I am certain.

I may furrow my brow as you thwart my requests to pick up the books/clothes/toys you have strewn across the living room, but inside I am marvelling at your ability to remain steadfast. Today, at playschool, I was the parent helper. In celebration of your birthday, I brought cookies for snack, and some apples. Every other kid ate their apple slices first, as requested, and then ate their cookies. Not you. You lovingly licked the icing off of the cookie, reluctantly ate the actual cookie - at my request - then shoved the apple slices across the table. You folded your arms across your mouth and shook your head when I asked you to eat the apples (and subsequently tried to bribe you to eat them with the promise of another cookie.) You refused. "You're a tough nut to crack, Liv," said your playschool teacher. Understatement of the year.

You love dinosaurs and Curious George and super-heroes. (For your birthday this year, you wanted a Spiderman cake. Of course, you got it.) You want to be a hockey player. I love your imagination and your affection for Buzz Lightyear. I love your smile. For the most part, you eschew dresses and my fruitless attempts to do your crazy, fine hair in anything other than two pigtails. You have a cute little lisp and are sweet and frustrating and adorable. You are magnetic. People always want to pick you up and love on you, and keep small bits of you for themselves. You will have none of it. You become a wild animal when they try, thrashing your small limbs wildly about, and run away. And yet, on your terms, you can be extremely loving; you often wrap your tiny arms around my leg and sigh "Mom, I wuv you." 

You've never met a sugary food you didn't love. Your favourite breakfast is Nutella slathered on toast, though, let's face it, you'd rather just eat the Nutella. You love looking at books and being read to. You are a whiz on the iPod, can figure out the TV/Playstation and Netflix set-up far easier than either of your grandmas, and are fascinated by gauges, instruments and tools of every kind. You enjoying going swimming - mostly in the hot tub -  skating, dancing and music of any kind. You LOVE your sister. Even when you don't.

Your dad and I look at you now and do not see the baby in the incubator that we worried about for months, wondering, at first, about your very survival, and then, later, what you would be capable of doing. We do recognize, however, the sparkling spirit who still lives within you - that tenacious part of your being that propelled you forth and that continues to thrive within. You have surpassed our every expectation and for that, I am grateful beyond what I thought was possible.

We don't want to see you grow up so quickly, but we are fascinated by what the future will bring you, to see where you will go. I have no doubt it will only be exactly where you want to be.

Love and sweet birthday wishes, my girl. We all love you to the moon and back.
ox
Your momma

Merry Christmas 2011

Almost everyone includes a letter with their Christmas cards these days, and I love to get those, but I'm really too lazy to actually send one out myself. So, since we're on the internets and all, I hope this update will do for those of you who are so inclined to check out our little blog.

Our kids are fun, sweet, sassy, strong-willed, busy, happy, awesome. Mia is five now. She began kindergarten this year, and is doing very well despite being the only girl in her grade (there are only four kindergarten students.) Her class is a four-way split (that's what happens when your school is comprised of only 60 students) that includes kindergarten as well as grades one, two and three. We were a bit unsettled about having Mia in a class with kids spread across such a broad age-range, but it has been fine, particularly because it allows her to regularly socialize with other little girls. Mia's taking vocal lessons this year, as well as swimming - two of her favourite activities on earth. She is a happy, inquisitive kid, with a flair for the dramatic. We're clearing a spot on the mantle for a Tony Award, as we think she is likely to have a successful career in musical theatre!

Three-year-old Liv began playschool in September, and loves it. She had a bit of trouble listening at the beginning of the year, but really came around after Halloween, when I began to encourage good behaviour with candy. I realize that bribery will not get me a spot in the good parenting books, but it seems to work - no more time-outs! Honestly, however, playschool has been a good place for Liv to have fun, try new things and socialize with other kids her age. Liv is still a tiny girl, and is not a big fan of eating anything that doesn't contain copious amounts of sugar. She loves swimming and music and reading. She is not afraid to tell anyone what she wants. She is 'spirited' and we appreciate that her singular focus will hold her in good stead when she's an adult, but it is sometimes a challenge to raise a kid who is so stubborn! That sassiness, however, is tempered with large doses of sweetness and light, and she is a really great little kid.

Mitch was promoted to lead operator at his company this year. He works for an oilfield waste management company, which was bought out by Gibson Energy this fall, so that transition will officially begin January 1. The new company will hopefully bring about some positive growth opportunities in the future. Mitch's 7-days-on, 7-days-off schedule ended when he took on his new role in June, but, on the up-side, his Monday-Friday schedule is a better match for Mia's school routine.

I'm still fortunate to be doing some contract communications work for a variety of organizations from the comfort of my couch. The flexibility allows me to be home with the kids and also have time to chauffeur them around to their activities and play dates. We spend quite a bit of time hanging out at home, and had a lot of fun playing this summer in the playhouse built by Mitch and our neighbour Joe.

We had an awesome family camping vacation this year to Wasa Lake in BC's southern interior, and then Mitch and I headed to Thailand for two weeks in October (without the kids! thanks Moms!) as a 10th anniversary gift to ourselves. We had an amazing time, and spent much of our holiday under the sea, obtaining our open water scuba certification, and then our advanced open water certification. We managed to miss the flooding in Bangkok by a few days, and got to spend a little time with our friends Frankie and Lisa (and baby Aedyn) from Singapore. We missed the kids like crazy but had a brilliant trip, despite the 24+ hours of travel in each direction.

Christmas this year was spent with both of our families. We are so lucky to live close by to my parents and Mitch's mom. There have been some difficult changes happening this year, but we are grateful for each day we are fortunate enough to spend with them. 

We wish you all a happy, healthy 2012. All the best from our home to yours.

With love and hugs,

The Berreths (and Rocky, the cat!)

oxoxoxox

Mia sings!

Mimi has been taking vocal lessons since September and really, really loves it. Here she is, singing "Where are you Christmas?" at her first ever vocal recital Dec. 9. We were a bit concerned she would take one look at the audience and bolt off-stage, but she marched up there, stood as still as a statue and performed like a pro. 


ox
Kim